The year I lost my idyllic mom-life. The year I lost my business. The year I lost dear friends. The year I lost my trust in the system. The year I lost so much.
(In way way, it was the year of gain: I gained 35 pounds by not dealing with the loss.)
2009 was the Year of Grief
When I suffered one loss after another, instead of dealing with the emotions that surrounded the events, I stuffed it down, way, way down. Buried deeply so I could just motor on, moving thru life, dealing with the day to day stuff that consumed me.
But when you stuff, eventually, it has to come back out. And it did. Hard, fast and overwhelming. Over and over, the grief came out. It made me physically ill. It brought my life to a grinding halt for months. It was the most painful year of my life. One that I vow I will never repeat.
But in the grief, I did find joy. I found many things to celebrate and I found my self. My true self. The one who deserves so much more.
I no longer will be a people pleaser. I will no longer go with the flow, not questioning what my gut is screaming about. I will no longer suffer silently. I will no longer give to others at my expense. I will re-frame my life and my dreams. I will rebuild what was lost. I will reclaim what is mine. I will rise above and soar.
On New Year's Eve, I declared 2010, the Year of Happy
I will only do things that make me happy.
As a tribute to my resolution, here are a few things that made me happy in recent days:
I re-did my laundry room. No more ugly yellow wallpaper, in stages of removal. No more reminders of the project I abandoned 5 years ago. I chose a gorgeous shade of purple plum, despite what others commented on, because it makes me happy.
I grew loofa.
I took photos.