The year I lost my idyllic mom-life. The year I lost my business. The year I lost dear friends. The year I lost my trust in the system. The year I lost so much.
(In way way, it was the year of gain: I gained 35 pounds by not dealing with the loss.)
2009 was the Year of Grief
When I suffered one loss after another, instead of dealing with the emotions that surrounded the events, I stuffed it down, way, way down. Buried deeply so I could just motor on, moving thru life, dealing with the day to day stuff that consumed me.
But when you stuff, eventually, it has to come back out. And it did. Hard, fast and overwhelming. Over and over, the grief came out. It made me physically ill. It brought my life to a grinding halt for months. It was the most painful year of my life. One that I vow I will never repeat.
But in the grief, I did find joy. I found many things to celebrate and I found my self. My true self. The one who deserves so much more.
I no longer will be a people pleaser. I will no longer go with the flow, not questioning what my gut is screaming about. I will no longer suffer silently. I will no longer give to others at my expense. I will re-frame my life and my dreams. I will rebuild what was lost. I will reclaim what is mine. I will rise above and soar.
On New Year's Eve, I declared 2010, the Year of Happy
I will only do things that make me happy.
Before After
As a tribute to my resolution, here are a few things that made me happy in recent days:
I re-did my laundry room. No more ugly yellow wallpaper, in stages of removal. No more reminders of the project I abandoned 5 years ago. I chose a gorgeous shade of purple plum, despite what others commented on, because it makes me happy.
I grew loofa.
I took photos.
I raised puppies.
In the upcoming year, I will share other things that make me happy. Stay tuned.
Posts
9 comments:
I am sorry to hear that some things went bad.
And I am glad to see that you have set some worthy goals for yourself.
Happy new year to you and yours.
I'm glad to see you're dancing in the rain. What a great post. Your dogs are very good looking, and I love the laundry room makeover!
Welcome back! I'm glad to see that things are looking up for you.
Oh, and I LOVE the purple!
I look forward to hearing about your happy new year.
Judy
Mellissa please know that you aren't the only one that went through such rough times during the dreadful year of 2009.
With the economy and it's present doldrums came bad stuff upon me and my life as well.
I lost my job as a police officer after changing from one agency to another. I had a lieutenant at this new police agency use a younger officer and with himself conspired against me to my ultimate dismissal. They forced me to resign on bullcrap allegations of "nothings".
Basically what it amounted to was the lieutenant was trying to get a buddy of his into the department because of the economic crisis. HE used whatever he could to get rid of me.
Well i sought legal counsel in this great state of nc where the laws are for the employer and not the employees and guess what it left me without income for over 12 months.
My wife and i argued, i worked my side business harder than ever but because of the present crisis barely got by.
I just wonder sometimes what is this '''' called life really all about and why is it so ridiculous down here.
It has done to me what has happened to you...that is..Change, big time, i am more of a survivalist now than before and have a stronger outlook to do what it is to get where i need to be.
So, i am presently attending North Carolina State University and planning on obtaining my bachelors degree in another field of work altogether.
Enjoyed your post and let us league together to stay positive and stay focused in 2010.
Chris
Eastern NC
quackycalls.com
I'm glad your back! I'm also glad you hear that you are trying to find your happiness. Everybody needs too. Good luck.
sfg
I'm sorry the last 2 years have been so rough. Having a year of happy sounds perfect! I may have to join you.
I love your new outlook Melissa and your declaration of 2010 the year of Happy! I am with you! Glad you are posting again! (Love the purple!)
I'm glad you're back too!
My 2009 was rotten as well.
Here's to happiness in 2010!
Your story touched me profoundly- and it sure seems true that some years are good or bad... but I think I forget the others, so what did I get from them? I am inspired by your determination -and I LOVE your purple laundry room! It speaks of flowers, being grounded yet whimsical, and of serenity...
Thank you so much for sharing. I think many of us are on the same journey these days, to pick ourselves back up, but you have put it to words so well. We have much to give each other in the telling of our journeys.
~Illoura
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