I've been reading some blogs that seem to be in the same boat as me. Maybe this will help somebody.
I haven't shared a lot of personal life here because, well, it's personal! But here goes: 2008 was, by far, the WORST year of my life. My kid's lives were so heavily impacted that for 2 months I waivered on the brink of needing to be put into a mental institution. I've always felt I was born to be a Mom and I take that job very seriously. My kids mean the world to me. So when they hurt, I hurt too. The enormousness of what happened was so huge it was crushing.
Then, my career suffered blow after blow after blow and the fall out of that is still impacting us. Then, a dear, dear friend was killed in a freak accident doing what he loved (he died with a smile on his face and that gave me peace.) Less than a week later, another friend was killed. In October, my chronic illness went beserk due to the stress (it's in remission when I remain stress free) but with all that was going on, I wasn't able to stave off the flare up. It nearly put me back in the hospital.
But, I survived it all and now am sweeping up the pieces of my shattered life and trying to figure out what to do next.
I was hunting in the library for a book when I saw this one: The Secret Laws of Attraction by Talane Miedaner. What caught my eye was a small note about take the quiz inside. I like these kinds of quizzes - they often give insight or confirm what you may have already known. If you want to take the quiz, here's a link to her site. (As an aside, I didn't read the subtitle close enough - the book is about getting the relationship you want - a dating book. *ahem* I'm married - but there still is good info in the book that can be applied to any relationship.)
My results were as I already know:
1) Need for Peace
2) Need to be Heard
3) Need for Control
4) Need to be Independent
What does it mean? Discovering my needs isn't anything new, but what she says is that if you can find out how to meet your needs yourself, you will stop looking to other people to fulfill them and you won't be as disappointed or frustrated. Hmmmm, she may have a point there.
Last year, I wasn't in control of anything that happened. I had to learn to roll with life and stop fighting for control. Everything that happened was completely out of my hands. I had to find other outlets for my control needs. My Peace was blown to the winds. No longer did I have refuge in my job or in my home - there was chaos everywhere I went. And, through it all, I felt like no one was listening to me/us. It took nearly 8 months before we found an advocate for us and we are finally on the road to recovery.
I guess my point is this: know who you are and what you need. If your needs aren't being met, you know it. You'll feel frustrated and angry. You are unsettled and everything seems so hard. But, life isn't meant to be hard, IMHO. Keep looking, keep fighting. You will find the solution. It just might take some time.